The best one-star reviews of national parks: ‘A giant litter box’

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A Yelp reviewer from Woodland Hills, Calif., has nothing nice to say about Yosemite. Unlike landscape photographer Ansel Adams and free solo climber Alex Honnold, Kevin K. was not inspired by the California national park when he visited in 2015. As he wrote in his one-star review, he found it “disappointingly pointless” and “heartbreakingly awful.” His advice to the National Park Service: Shut it down, and fire the “owners.”

Most visitors hold high praise for national parks. On Tripadvisor, only 88 people out of more than 23,480 commenters were critical of the Grand Canyon’s South Rim. On Yelp, roughly 1 percent of reviewers were disenchanted by the Arizona landmark that Ken B. of Tucson described on Yelp as “A hole. A very, very large hole.” After countless “wow” and “stunning” reviews, however, the negative critiques are an entertaining and illuminating detour to the land of disillusionment.

The National Park Services is looking on the bright said, though. “One star is better than none. For more stars, we recommend visiting at night,” NPS said in an email. “We’re always looking for ways to improve the visitor experience and we welcome feedback and reviews, although we still have no control over clouds that block the view or bugs that follow you on the trail.”

Amber Share, a Raleigh-based author and artist, illustrated the bad reviews for her Subpar Parks project. “I think they’re so funny because people had really high expectations, and nature doesn’t always cooperate,” she said. “Sometimes you can make the choice to embrace what it actually is, and other times it’s just going to really make you mad.”

In 2019, Share started mining Yelp, Tripadvisor and Google Reviews for material. She tried to suss out the genuine comments from the jokes and focused on reviews that panned natural attractions. She posted her artwork on her Instagram account, which has amassed 415,000 followers, and compiled her creations in a book and postcard collection. She said several national park visitors centers now carry her book, which was published in 2021. As an example of life imitating art imitating life, her publication has received a number of one-star reviews.

“Some people wished there were fewer words,” she said.

We recently conducted our own deep dive into poor reviews and unearthed some golden nuggets as priceless as the parks themselves. Here’s our roundup of one-star reviews, which we lightly edited for clarity and length.

Yosemite: ‘A real dud’

A real dud. … A real Wally World as we had to turn around.

— Rona B., Lake Forest, Calif., August 2020, on Yelp

If I were you, stay at the awanee [Ahwahnee] and then get out of Dodge. We didn’t even see any bears on our visit — how lame is that.

— David H., Redwood, Calif., October 2015, on Yelp

Yellowstone: Smells like rotten eggs

Everywhere you go, there’s this lingering smell of rotten eggs. You’d think for the $35 entrance fee the park people could install some airwicks Air Wicks or something.

— C. S., Flagstaff, Ariz., September 2020, on Yelp

Very scenic, however, you can see the same all around this area. ID, MT, WY all great, and they don’t cost $30 to get into.

— Brian K., London, Ohio, August 2018, on Yelp

No plants, no life. It’s like a picture of death.

— Sara L., Mars, Pa., August 2016, on Yelp

It’s to[o] big. … Also my wife decided to divorce me while we were there.

— Landon W., Innisfail, Alberta, Canada, April 4, 2019, on Yelp